Three weeks, two days IN

This wild new journey is moving along.  I no longer feel like I'm playing house.  This reality is all too real, too raw, and very very full.  Full of feelings and so very much exhaustion.  I struggle daily knowing what to say, how to act, how to parent.  How to build an attachment with a nine year old boy.  Showing someone who has no idea how a mother "should" be at that age is well, pretty awkward!  I kiss him good-night on his head, tell him I love him, and try to get little hugs, head rubs, and snuggles in here and there.  He is receptive of it, but not demanding of it.  He said in the car yesterday "My mom says it will be hard for you when Little Brother leaves, because he's so little".  I quickly said "I will also miss you very much".  What a thing for his mom to say!  Truth is, he is a sweet, smart, inquisitive little boy.  He catches on fast, desires to please me, and wants to be a kid.  He has a great attention span, doesn't usually argue with me, and is really enjoying our routine.  But he's figuring out boundaries.  Silly example:  yesterday after school he stood at the entrance to the living room for about five minutes, just looking in the room, while I started dinner.  He had his shoes on still.  A rule we have is no shoes in the living room, try to take them off near the door, but as there is not much room there, the kitchen is also permissible.  I just kept an eye on him, determined not to scold or nag him.  Finally he said something like "I'm going to go and get some toy".  I said "Oh, you forgot your shoes!".  He said "Oh I can't believe I forgot!"  So, one small one.  One segment where I chose to use politeness, kindness, and positive intent.  I need to remember that my day is filled with opportunities to start fresh.  Yesterday the drive after school was horrendous.  We had two hours until bedtime.  I reminded myself that I have eight chances, eight fifteen minute segments, to show love, grace, and try to have fun.  It really worked!  I didn't worry about finishing lunches or doing dishes.  We played some games and went to bed with only the little one tantruming. 

Positives:  the boys are good sleepers.  The food battles are getting better.  We have adapted fruits as part of our meals, and the next challenge will be vegetables :)  Our daycare center is great.  The boys are social and love being part of my busy life, and have not tired of meeting new people.  I have an amazing support system and I'm letting them love me and pray for me.